LGBT
by Tenguura
Summary: This is not a Minecraft Story Mode...there wasn't a Real Life option. I am deciding to come out and share my life with you guys, everything in this story is real, I have experienced it and have evidence to prove it. This is for people who struggle and stay in their closet. WARNING: Contains blood, Abuse, Violence, LGBT issues, Swearing, and Suicidal thoughts.
1. Enter The Class of Love!

It was the first day coming back from winter break, aw man, I didn't live my life during the break away from school. Oh well, pretty sure my friends will be happy to see me again, I was always like a class clown/good friend type of person. People could always see something that even I can't see in myself.

I got myself up...well actually my mother trucker woke me up.

"Two more minutes…" I lazily replied, holding up my hand with two fingers in the air. I guided my hand back under the warm, soft blanket and cuddled my knees to my chest. Covering my dark, brown eyes with the blanket as well.

Two minutes had passed, I arose like a zombie into a sitting position, I slept in my school uniform which was really a shirt with the name of my school on the front with the Hawaiian owl as a design. I got my skinny jeans on since I usually like to sleep in my underwear, don't judge me okay? Its comfy!

Brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, done! I usually don't have enough time to eat breakfast though. Now I needed to grab my backpack and head outside to get to the truck, and getting outside was always the trickiest part. We have sheltered about 34-36 cats, it's not our fault they breed like bunnies! They always liked coming into the house and it would be hard to get outside with them flooding in the doorway like people raiding the mall on Black Friday.

I waited on my mother, who was making a protein drink to take on the go, my house was in Lawai, and my school is in Lihue, they are like...give or take 15-16 miles apart, it will take about 17 minutes, and 24 with traffic because of the dreaded merge lane.

She walked towards the door, sipping her drink and twisted the doorknob open, just as I suspected.

"OH MY GOD!" I let out a loud groan as the cat's meowed, begging to be fed. I braced my way through, but being careful to avoid stepping on them. I make my way into the truck and let my mom take it from there.

I finally got into the school property after my mom dropped me off, I continued my day from there, greeting familiar faces, it

felt nice to see everyone so happy to see their classmates after 2 weeks of break, I'll admit, I wanted to go to school like everyone else for the same reason too.

It was Math class, 7th period, class was gonna end in like 2 minutes, Ms. Teves taught us about how to find the value of the variable by cancellation, We took a quiz about it earlier and I remembered every detail….unlike the others who had to ask Ms. Teves what cancellation was when we learned about it for the past 4 months.

*Brrrriiiinnngggg!*

"Remember to do your homework!" Ms. Teves yelled over the bell, I don't think anyone really listened, we all just grabbed our work and stuffed it in our bag and went to recess to take a break from classes.

"Nicole, what's your next class!?" my best friend, Mahina, asked me when we all met up with our group. "I have….Mr. Matsunaga next class, why what do you have, oh wait, Ms. Gusman...right?" I asked her, looking up two inches to look her in the eye. She nodded and had a sad, depressed look on her face "Yeah! And I hate math!" She stomped around like a little toddler having a tantrum.

I smiled at her, giving her some hope, "Hey, its only an hour long class, not like a life or death situation."

She groaned and continued complaining about how much she hated classwork, we all hate it.

We began walking with the group around campus spending our time, telling each other stories, and laughing, it was my favorite thing to do in school.

*Brrriiiiiiinnnnggg!*

"Aw! See ya later guys!" I waved and walked to the library, Mahina fake crying her eyes out because of her next class, I was meeting up with my new elective class for the next semester, Mr. Matsunaga, people have said around campus that he's scary, well, i'm about to find out.

I walked into the nice cooling air of the library, and I walked past the detectors used to see if someone steals a book. I stood around with the other students waiting for a arranged seating, I usually hated arranged seating because they put it boy-girl.

I saw a couple of faces that I knew, one of them being Kahylie, I always called her Kahylie Jenner because of her first name, she would pout and stare at me with her hazel eyes and say "Shut up, Nicole." like she was embarrassed, we both laughed about it though. One of my friends, Natalie, passed me, she saw me and began laughing like I did, we were surprised that we had a class together for once, it was the first time in forever where my close friends had classes with me.

I waited for the teacher to get here, like everyone else, he finally arrived, his blue shirt with the school emblem for media class on the left side of his chest, wearing a windbreaker, it was like the middle of winter so it made sense. Short black hair and a look that says "I'm a cool guy."

"Alrighty guys, welcome to your Intro to computing class, im gonna be your teacher, Mr. Matsunaga or you can call me Mr. M, don't call me mister or bro." He lightly said with a smile on his face.

The tardy bell rang, that meant class could get started.

"Okay...I have to do roll call, don't mind me." He looked into his MacBook for school and signed into the attendance list.

He called everyone's names, including mine, and he moved in to the 8th graders, I was a 7th grader so I was in the middle, 6th graders were first.

"Alright...Amber?" Mr. M called, not hearing a response, he called out again "Amber? Is she not here?" No one said anything and he took that answer as a yes, she must have been absent, lucky her. He moved on and finished up and assigned us seats, I sat across from a 6th grade boy named Tanner, basically a nice boy with the nicest eyes and the two next to me were Jasmyn, a shy, silent girl in my grade, and an obnoxious won't-shut-up-know-it-all gamer named Kai from 8th grade. He acts like a tough kid when in reality he's as dumb as a rock.

We all settled in and he started talking about the assignment while still at his desk.

I could hear the door to the library open and close, and a girl that looked like a 8th grader caught my eye. She wore a denim jacket, that was slightly shredded for look, black leggings that reached the middle of her shins and her forest green and grey backpack slung over one shoulder, her dark brown hair was long that reached to the mid-section of her back, her hair was wild and wavy, like she had to use a bottle of hair untangler each morning to untangle her hair. Her light brown eyes were gentle, scanning the room, she wore a smirk on her face that tells everyone she is a chill person. You could already tell she went through puberty as well, she took steps forward into the class area with her nice, white, Nike Air shoes.

She walked to the teacher and telling him that she's late to the class. "Okaaaaay...and you're Amber?" Mr. M assumed, and the girl nodded with that same smirk.

 **So her name is** **Amber...**

"Okay, grab a seat next to him." He pointed with his blue pen to the open seat next to a sixth grader. She got herself situated, I kept staring at her, ignoring what the teacher was talking about for a second, she looked around and made eye contact with me.

It made me feel as if the pressure was on me, one wrong move and I could be known as "weird" in her book, but she lightly smiled at me, making my stomach have butterflies. I raised my hand up to my head and waved at her, she kind heartedly laughed and turned back to the teacher to avoid getting in trouble.

' _What the heck was that?!'_ I wondered to myself.

I looked at Amber once again, her head turned to the teacher, resting on her hand like she was bored already, I smiled and thought to myself,

' _This will be an interesting day'_


	2. Class In Session!

"Alright guys, now were all new here and we don't know each other's names, we will work on designing a poster that expresses you." Mr. M gestured, explaining the lesson, which we were basically gonna be drawing a visual about ourselves.

he handed out a blank piece of paper and gave out the first instruction. "In the top left corner, you will draw your favorite food, could be anything….if you like asparagus….I guess that's cool." Mr. M. joked. He continued and added something on "You also need your colored pencils to color in your food. I have also heard some rumors going around campus about me…."

' _HE KNOWS?!'_

"Apparently they say Mr. M is scary, yes, but that's only if you decide to not take part and be a grouchy pants about it, or just make me mad." He raised his eyebrows and did a thinking face. He told us to continue working on drawing our favorite food, personally, I was a great drawer, I always doubted myself from time to time, but I was really good at doing it.

I drew a ramen bowl and drew the soup and noodles inside, a string of noodles being picked up with a pair of chopsticks, it looked fantabulous, I invented that word, haha.

I colored the ramen bowl and silently waited for everyone else to be done.

Three minutes into the drawing he told us "Oh! And put your name in the middle of the paper and figure out a adjective like…." Mr. M trailed off into his mind thinking for a example "Dapper Derreck. " He gestured to Derreck the 6th grader, who shot his head up and was confused.

I got back into my name design with nice bubble letters, I couldn't think of a lot of adjectives so I just decided on the most basic thing ever…..Nice Nicole. With my I's being designed like a cat sitting upright. And vines swirling around the bubble letters, fabulousssss!

After everyone finished the first part we had to move on to the second part of the paper. "Kay, on the top right corner of your paper, draw something you like to do in your spare time, like surf, draw, anything!"

I always liked watching YouTube, so I guess I could do that, I watched people like Shane Dawson, what am I doing with my life, and I would contemplate watching The Walking Dead for the first time but I never have.

I drew the front of my body watching a YouTube sign, the back of my body visible. I colored the sign the classic white button instead of red, classic is better, my man!

The third part was up, the teacher gave us the instructions for the next bit. "Now, in the bottom left corner of your paper, you can draw your favorite movie, could be like Moana, Avengers, Fifty Shades Of Grey….." Mr. M caused the class to bustlaugh about Fifty Shades of Grey, it was basically disgusting intercourse scenes into the form of a movie.

Moana was my favorite movie of the year, so I guess I could do that….but I just decided to draw the Moana title in bubble letters and colored it blue. The last one was our favorite subject, I drew a paint palette because I liked art. Actually because I have no homework for that class, that's why. I'm just the most lazy ass on the planet.

Amber started to pop into my head again, I didn't have to even turn my head to the table on the left to see her. I really want to get to know her. I squeezed the mechanical pencil in my hand and continued drawing, but it got harder as my eyes began drifting off the paper and onto Amber. What the hell is it that I see in her?

She was focused on the assignment, everyone was. No one spoke a word to each other because it felt foreign sitting next to new people. I shifted my ombré dark to light hair so I can have drawing space, I don't know who had the most wild hair, me or Amber. I finished my paper and sat back in my seat, waiting for everyone else to finish. I began twiddling my thumbs because of boredom, man, I was bored.

I looked around the library, seeing giant flat screen computers and the room for when they shoot morning announcements. They do announcements instead of going from room to room because there are like 600 people in this school and over 26 teachers here. I saw that Tanner and Natalie were done, they just stared at Mr. M as other people were finishing. Kelsey, Ethan, Jeremiah, Tigerlily, and Amber finished one by one.

"Raise your hand if you're finished, I have an activity for you guys but your drawings need to be done for it." Mr. M filled the silence, I shot up my arm in response, looking at the other students, about half of the class was done, Amber had her hand raised and looked down at her paper like she was thinking about what to add on.

"Mkay, i'll give abooooouuuut…5 more minutes."

I got bored and decided to have a small conversation with Tanner across from me, who looked equally as bored. "How do ya like my noodles?" I showed him the paper and pointed to the corner for my food. He looked at it for a second "I want to eat it." He replied, making me hold in a laugh. Time passed as I got to know my table mates a little better, Kai was fucking irritating, I kept acting like I couldn't hear him. I couldn't get a single word of of Jasmyn, she made me pissed easily because it felt like talking to a wall. So far Tanner was the only person on the table who could keep a conversation without doing anything nerdy to weird me out.

"Okay, five minutes are up, if you're not done, sorry bro, you can't do the game." Mr. M pouted, addressing Kai who hadn't done a single thing on his paper.

"Kay, this is like a would you rather, think you guys understand the basics riiiiight?" he asked, getting nods from us.

"So cartoons or anime?" God, I was over anime, but I liked Spongebob because i'm a 5 year old trapped in a 13 year old body.

I went to the right side of Mr. M where people sided with cartoons "I like Spongebob!" I spoke up, Janelle hearing me and laughing about it, making me smile.

"Now….Horror or chick flick?" There was no question to that, I sided with horror, I loved it, I wanted to watch Lights Out, Blair Witch and The Bye Bye Man.

"Bye Bye Man!" I heard Kelsey yell and Amber agree with her, which meant she sided with horror. Majority of the class picked the same as me.

"Here's a basic one….Dogs or cats?" I liked cats and all, but the scratches all over my arms and hands are from them, my dog is cute and loves the attention, so I sided with dogs, like everyone else.

"Action or Rom Com?" I fast walked to the left and faced the other team to see only 6 students siding with Rom Coms. I don't like seeing mushy scenes a lot, I liked seeing movies that put you on the edge of your seat like Suicide Squad. man, I loved that movie!

There were more of the would you rathers but I forgot them all, it was a nice thing though, being able to not do more work, I mean.

Intro to Computing became my favorite class out of all my A and B day classes. It was way more fun than I thought it would be.


	3. Oh No

Next day, or….next B day.

Same deal, I was in math class with Ms. Teves, I had English for 6th period, it was normal, I end up forgetting what Ms. Contrades was saying, but my Teves was explaining how to find value of the variable, I don't really understand how math really helps me in life, my dream job is a police officer, not an architect or bank teller.

"So Nicole! What will this mystery number equal to?!" Ms. Teves projected her voice, making me glance up at the SmartBoard, with digital pen marks on the screen. I took a breath and answered "M will equal to 7 because you divided both sides by 5." Ms. Teves smiled and agreed "Yes! So Nainoa, beautiful hair but have you understood how to find the value of the variable?" Nainoa got called out, the top of the hair was a nice blonde and the sides of his head were black. He nodded and the bell suddenly rung.

"Bye Ms. Teves!" Shylah put her backpack straps on while walking out of the classroom "Bye Shylah." She responded.

I walked out to find my friends, the school campus was about 500 yards long, so it would be hard to find them, I walked around to find Mahina by the 6th grade building with the rest of the group. I didn't say anything but they noticed I was there, I kept thinking about my next class, I really wanted to know more about Amber, she seems like a really cool person,I could be good friends with her too, I wonder if….

"NICOLE!" Mahina yelled, snapping me out of my daydream and waking me up to reality. "Yes?" I lazily responded, glancing around the school campus and I looked at the 8th grade house. "Can I go home with you today? My dad has to work slaughterhouse today." I nodded and grabbed my iPhone5 and asked my grammy and mom if she could come over, they agreed and said they will be here after school to pick us up. I grew up without a father figure in my life, he basically screwed my mom over and cheated on her, did drugs and is now married to someone else.

My mom keeps me in line however, she does a pretty good job at it, I would get slapped with the belt or wooden spoon if I got caught doing something bad. So she scared me straight, basically.

We walked around the campus waiting for the bell to ring for 8th period, it was great to talk about what has been going on, I thought I had the best friends ever!

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **Thought….**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

The Bell suddenly rang, and I said goodbye as I started sprinting to the library with a 25 lb backpack on me. I was the 5th one to get into the class, I sat down and waited for everyone else to get here. I sat in my chair hoping class would get started, I took out the piece of paper the teacher told us to have for the assignment, I just had to finish coloring my paint then I was done.

But then I forgot to color it.

"Okayyyy! Everyone get into 2 lines we're gonna be doing something fun!" We slowly got up, confused on what we were doing, I got into a line and stood next to Janelle. I was WAY more confused than everyone else. I am like a goldfish in the ocean.

"We will be doing introductions, sooo, this line will rotate and this line will stay where they are." In my head I was applauding because I didn't like moving around. I was lazy. So we began introductions and we went through, I learned some names, like Kylah, Marjorie, Jellymae, and it went on. I was introducing to Kylah after a reintroduction with Ethan Hoff, Ethan Hoff was my childhood homie. We rotated and I looked down at my paper just saying randomly on how much I loved scary movies, I heard someone, a girl, agree with me, and when the next person was gonna introduce them self I looked down at their feet.

... _wait a minute…_

 _White Nikes….?_

I looked up to meet the eyes of the next person.

 _Oh shit….._


	4. Behind My Smile

"Uhhh…." I was honestly speechless. It was Amber. She smiled at me when I mentioned my love for scary movies. Her smile made me get a few butterflies in my stomach.

"Do you want to go first?" She politely asked as we stood around, staring into each other's eyes as others got on with introductions. "Oh...yeah sure!" I got into my happy attitude, and I said everything on my poster in a robot voice "My name is Nicole, I like ramen, I love watching YouTube in my free time, I like Moana, my favorite subject is art." My robot voice got her to let out a laugh

 _YESSS IT'S WORKING!_

Amber messed with her hair when it was her turn to present. I listened and stared at her face, taking it all in.

 _"She's beautiful."_ I thought to myself.

"My name is Amber Fabiana, I like ANY kind food, I like to watch The Walking Dead in my free time, My favorite movie issss…...any kind! My favorite subject is art."

 _She's funny too…_

"Have you seen The Walking Dead before?" She asked me.

"No, I always wanted to though." I responded, trying to continue the conversation with her.

"Hmm...Do you have Netflix?" She asked another question.

"Nope." I replied politely, Amber smiled back at me and told me,

"You should watch it sometime, it's really good!" She told me, making me smile a little.

"I'll look it up when I get home then!" I replied to Amber, making her smile.

"Alright guys, rotate to your next partner!" Me and Amber looked at each other and frowned, we wanted to talk a bit more, but Amber had to move so she smiled and waved to me "Byeee!"

I waved back as I moved on to the next person. Today was a good day….

"YEAH! I GOT TO TALK TO AMBER TODAY, WOOOOO!" I screamed in my mind, I smiled to myself, she's so polite, funny, and a rebel! Awesome!

The day continued like a normal day, I made new friends in Art class, the whole day I thought about Amber's smile. I loved it.

Weeks went by, me and Amber started becoming more friendly with each other, more closer, we added each other on snapchat and I would send her some funny snaps. It was perfect until….

 **I was betrayed.**

"Oof!" I felt myself fall backwards after I was shoved by my best friend, Brooklyn

"Haha!" Ryancie, Ashtyn, Brooklyn and Mahina laughed as I was nearly shoved to the ground by Brooklyn's shove.

I brushed my hair out of my face, dusted myself off and walked back to the group. Acting like nothing had happened, but Ryancie and Ashtyn backed up and I Brooklyn pushed me away

"Stay away from us, creep!" Ryancie laughed at me, I came onto the cement walkway towards them, Brooklyn took off her flip flops and began throwing them at me, both missing. "Wanna fight? huh?!" Brooklyn yelled at me, drawing attention to us, I felt tears well up in my eyes, I wanted to run away, I wanted to tell someone, I wanted help.

 _Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always the one getting picked on….? Please help me….someone…_

The bell rang, and Brooklyn went on, leaving me in a mess.

I went to class and did my studies, I was so mad at them, _why did I have friends like them?_

 _Oh that's right...no one wants to hang out with me…No one knows, why am I having to live like this, I always help others, but I get hurt in the end! **No one knows….what goes on behind my smile.**_

I buried my face in my work, hoping the day would be over, so I could go home and cry into my pillow.

When I got home I decided to take a snapchat, about what was happening to me, I sent it to Eleiah, Reyna, Logan, Aprilyn, Ma'alea, Amber, Keanna, Jaydin, Natalie, Nikki, and a lot more. I sent my snap to 14 people in total. I took a shower to freshen up and I got a snapchat when I got out of the shower and put some clothes on.

 ***Snapchat from: Amber Fabiana***

I looked at the little notification on my screen, then opened my phone to open snapchat to see what she sent me.

 _"Hun, don't put yourself through this, if they treat you like this they aren't good friends, don't let them do that to you."_

I stared at those words, taking it in, she was right, I was like an open door, letting all the abuse come in and I don't do anything about it.

I took a black screen photo and put a caption _"Its hard to leave them, no one else but them will even notice me, I don't have anyone to be friends with."_

 **Delivered to Amber Fabiana**

I turned my phone over and stared at the ceiling, getting reminded of what happened today. Awful…. **I'm such an idiot…**

 ***Snapchat from: Amber Fabiana***

I quickly open snapchat to read what she sent me _"True friends wouldn't hurt eachother, if they do that to you it's not friendship, you need to stand up to them for all this trouble they are causing you."_

I smiled.

 _"She's so amazing."_

I had sent another snapchat.

 _"Thank you, I would honestly be lost without your advice. Can I hang out with you? I want to avoid them as much as possible."_

 **Delivered to Amber Fabiana**

 ***Snapchat from: Amber Fabiana***

 _"Uh, yes of course you can, but I can't say i'll fully hang with you because I have my own problems but yeah." She sent a smiling emoji at the end._

 _"Friends help each other right? Let me help you :)"_

 **Delivered to Amber Fabiana**

 ***Snapchat from: Amber Fabiana***

 _"Nah, don't worry about me, I can handle it."_

With that, she made me feel reassured, it was crazy what she was capable of, she made me feel safe. I loved it….


	5. I Fell For Her

The next day I went to class, I noticed Tehani talking to Amber, I walked to my seat, I walked past Amber and noticed her look at me for a second, then go back to her conversation with Tehani. She was really affected by what I told her last night. I sat down and laid my head on the table, once again, waiting for the class to start, we were working on this sequence shot thingy that counted as 75% of our grade. I hate doing work, I hate everything, after what happened to me yesterday, I didn't want to even go to school today.

Mr Matsunaga took roll call and excused us to get our IPads, I got my IPad and sat at my assigned seat, thinking back to yesterday. I cupped my hands over my face to hid the stress I was feeling, this isn't the first time I was bullied, my mom's ex boyfriend was exposed for having domestic violence on me, me would pull my ear so hard it felt like he would pull my ear off, make me eat things out of the garbage can, and slap me until I cried.

I wasn't being treated well by others either, boys would call me names and beat me up. I would occasionally come home crying my eyes out.

I looked down at the school IPad, accessing it and looked over my photo album.

Just when I was doing that, I felt warmth come from behind me and wrap around my chest. I felt breathing on my neck and a strong scent of coconut conditioner.

 _Amber….._

"I know you're lonely, I know you need someone, i'll be here for you…" She whispered into my ear, tightening her hug around my chest, she put her head on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. I could feel my heart beat faster as she hugged me, it actually felt nice. Her voice just brought joy, whenever she comforted me….It was the best feeling to have her in my life.

She released her grip on me and ruffled my hair, I turned around to smile at her, she looked me in the eye and had a heartwarming smile.

"I'll be your homie!" She told me before going with Tehani to finish her sequence shots, what a amazing girl.

I went to find Tanner so we could finish our shots, we finished 14 of the 20 pictures requested. We are a hardworking team. We got back into the classroom and got to chill for 10 minutes. I had a small memory pop into my head.

 _Of when me and Amber became friends_ …..

"Okay class, we will be going outside to the bus stop area to do something fun! Lets goooo!" Mr. M shouted in the library, we walked to the bus stop area and got into two teams, I was on Amber's side, against majority of my friends, basically. We had our posters in hand like Mr. M said to have.

"Crumple up your papers into a ball." Mr. M suprised me, all that hard work…...Gone down the drain…!

I crumpled up mine and everyone else starting to make a paper ball.

"Now the two teams will have to trash each others side, the team with the less paper balls on their side wins!"

I liked the sound of that, I was a master at trashing up my own room in 2 minutes.

"Ready….set…..Go!" Mr. M shouted and all of us went psycho, I threw my paper ball to the back of Natalie's team, because they only notice trash in the front and not the back. I picked up every ball of paper I could find and I tossed it to the other team's side. This went on for like 1 more minute and then Mr. M stopped the match.

"Okay, pick up a paper ball, and give it to whoever it belongs to."

I just randomly grabbed a crumped paper ball and opened it up to see who it belongs to. It had some awesome colors for the title. I read the name out in my mind.

"Adventurous Amber…." I began looking around and found Amber with her denim jacket on, she was reading someone else's poster. I placed her paper in front of her so she would notice it.

"Pretty sure this is yours." I smiled.

"Oh, thank you so much!" She smiled back at me, it was hard to keep focus when she makes me feel lost in that smile. Her eyes just amazed me, it was like a hazel color, which would always stand out when the sun shined on her eyes, she was truly a beautiful girl.

Me and Amber had fun throwing paper everywhere, that was where our friendship began, we laughed, we talked, and little did I know….I fell for her.


	6. What is love?

The more I talked to Amber, the more I fell for her, I didn't even know that what I was feeling was love...It felt weird, having feelings for a girl, usually it was a boy and a girl, but...I never felt any feelings for boys, I always saw boys as just friends, nothing else. Now it's different, this only meant one thing…..

I was lesbian!

Normally I had no grudge against any LGBT people. Sometimes I thought it was a bit different but hey, being different is good!

But….how would _they_ react…?

I fell into deep despair, the feeling that they will outright reject me just because of who I like, my stomach twisted around as I thought about it, I zoned out in my history class thinking about it.

What about my parents? How will they find out? Will they hate me? Will they love me? Will they disown me? I'm scared….

School progressed through the day, I was faking a smile making people less concerned. It hurts. I feel like throwing up at the thought of coming out.

If you only knew the trouble I was in, my schoolmates liked to make fun of gay people, and if I was made fun of, the teachers would find out and then my parents would find out. But then the worst thought coming to mind was…

How Amber would return my feelings.

Deep down I had this gut feeling she would reject me, a very little part of me just had some hope. Looking at the situation now, I was surely doomed. Amber has a certain boundary, a boundary I wanted to get past, to obtain her love.

This was so hard, I could barely talk when she smiles at me or makes eye contact with me. I knew I had to stay strong, or else she wouldn't take me seriously.

I just had to wait...and know her better.

 _Flashback*****_

" _For this basic shots project you will take four shots, Wide, Medium, Close-up, and Extreme Close-up." Mr. Matsunaga accessed the iPad as we watched him demonstrate, our faces looked like we were bored out of our mind._

" _For Close-up and Extreme Close-up you do not need to put your iPad into your partner's face. To show what he meant, he put the iPad into my face, since I was the closest student. I looked at the iPad then I saw Amber smile out of the corner of my eye at me, I made eye contact with her and we started smiling, like no one else was looking at us, she had a lustful gaze that always made me blush. I liked it, to be totally honest…._

 _Her smile made me feel so dizzy, it made me get lost in perfection, only perfection was her._

 _I loved every second of spending time with her...it was bliss…_

 _End****_

"DID YOU KNOW AMBER GOES TO EDGE?!" Mahina screamed in my face hole. I snapped out of it, and I got happy once I heard that, I used to go to Edge but I got hurt, it was fun though. Edge is a little hobby after school where we would meet at the church gym and play fun games. Well, not games, more like hunger games. Edge has games where if you weren't strong you wouldn't survive. We had a game called "Can Can" where girls were on a separate court and we had a piece of rope to hold onto that would attach us to the next person and it would make a circle of girls. We had unused trash cans in the middle and we had to knock opposite color team members into the trash cans to get them out. If you touched the can you're out, if you let go of the rope, you're out.

It hurt my fingers just to bend them because of how hard I had to pull on the rope. And keeping a distance from the can. I ended up hurting my leg from falling on the court and I never really went after that, it was awesome though. We had black light parties and friendly staff who encouraged us a lot, at the end we would get a grip of God's word, what it was like to follow God. I loved every moment of it.

When I heard that I actually thought "Maybe I should come out of retirement and go to Edge again…"

I decided it, I was going to go to Edge tomorrow. It was probably Valentine's Day themed because Valentine's Day was today. I got a rose from one of my friends as a gift, it was nice but I felt bad because I couldn't get anyone anything, especially Amber.

I walked to lunch and started discussing my Edge plans for tomorrow night with Mahina. We were both gonna go to Edge again. I got my lunch plate and sat down with my group having a normal talk. For once, my lunch table was the popular girls that would talk about random stuff all the time. They were nice though.

I was talking and then I stopped once I saw a familiar curly haired girl walk into the cafeteria…

You can guess who it was…

She wore booty shorts with a red rose sticking out of her pocket, Amber messed with her curly hair making it wild again. Her golden necklace came into view and popped out because of her black uniform shirt, her Hui Lokahi team shirt for 8th graders. She noticed me look at her and she smiled at me "Hey Amber~" I casually greeted her, smiling back. Her smile got wider and she greeted me back "Hi Nicole~" she turned back to watch where she was going.

My heart raced. I never felt this before, what is it?

Love...? But, what is love?


	7. She's my therapist

**I shook my head clear, I was in school! I can't think about this now…**

My heart was playing tricks with me, I felt pain in my heart, psyical pain. Does that mean I want her? It only happens when i'm around her...STOP thinking about it...and just go to class

I progressed through the day, slacking off in my math workshop class, having conversations with my best friends Eleiah and Shylah and Sadie.

My group was notorious for disrupting class, getting office referrals, and having to call our parents. It annoyed me so much, we should have a little fun once in a while, we shouldn't be imprisoned in school and being forced to suck in information. I am a firm believer that we should socialize and meet new people, to have fun and be teens!

School is just pure prison, I do enjoy the education but sometimes it gets irritating having the same information getting put into your brain every day.

The bell rang and we all got home, yay! I did my daily workout to tone my abs, yes I have abs, and I started biking up and down the concrete road.

" _I wonder if me and Amber could be best friends… I mean, she's really cool and open minded… and she's really cute too…"_

I thought really hard about it, did I have a crush on her?

I never had a crush before...I thought I would never fall in love, I made a promise to myself for that, to me, love just seemed like some fantasy that people would seem so happy about, I didn't really get a grasp of what love was until Amber happened.

It felt like...I was safe. In my childhood I never really felt safe, not even my parents made me feel really safe. I was abused and bullied when I was only 4. We would always go to my moms ex boyfriends house and I would play with Morgyn, who was his daughter. My mom never cared for the fact that he would abuse me, he would pull my ear really hard, slap me with the belt, make me eat out of the trash can….And things I really can't remember.

Security wasn't exactly something I grew up with, I was exposed to things like fights, which I got into a few in elementary…I was never safe from sexual things because the boys had a fucking dirty mouth. But you get what I'm saying, right?

Ugh.

Okay, it was now Wednesday, also known as Edge night. I passed all of my 6th and 7th period classes, completely forgetting everything that happened, in case you didn't know….

Hi, my name is Nicole I suffer from extreme short term memory loss.

Mr. Matsunaga had picked me and a few other students to go to cafeteria work, we hated it because in elementary we would get ice pops if we helped. Now they don't have any! It's unfair!

We went to go to cafeteria, I sat with Jessica and we finished our food before cafeteria work so we don't starve. And by we, I mean ME. I have a giant stomach, my mom has watched me eat so much food and afterwards I would complain that I was hungry, after I ate at a BUFFET.

We threw our food away, but Jessica had apples in her hand, and she made me wait for her. I just kinda stood there while she ate her apples. Amber came by and she did the same thing as Jessica, she started eating not one, not two, but three apples.

"Nice, apples are good." Amber broke the silence, and she made Jessica laugh.

Again...I just stood there, I couldn't leave even if I wanted to.

Amber and Jessica threw their apple cores away and we got ready to work. I got in a line with Kierra and Emi. Tehani's side of the cafeteria was full so Amber was basically booted to my side, she tried sneaking a way between Kierra and Emi, but both of them booted her, aaaand just my luck. She was put right next to ME.

We started talking at first it was normal, but then it started gettin...deep and depressing. I had a lion necklace, and I wore it because it was like my personality, always angry and tired, but a vicious being.

Talking with her always ends up taking a deep turn into something deeper. Amber wasn't exactly afraid to say anything about bullying or suicide because she's been there, and she knows im there right now, she talks with me about it because Amber was trying to prevent me from possibly killing myself.

She looked at me and said "You honestly don't need to worry about everyone loving you, not everyone will," and she asked me "do your parents love you?" I thought about that question for a few seconds then I responded "Yeah." Amber looked deep into me. "That's enough, a parent's love is enough."

She looks at my necklace and points to it "You have this for a reason, that reason is somewhere in you."

We looked in eachother's eyes, Amber smiled at me, and it made me feel safe.

"That's deep man." Emi spoke up, making me and Amber stop staring at eachother and went back to work.

"I'm her therapist." Amber put her head over my shoulder speaking back to Emi.

"That's amazing, she's someone older and wiser with experience…" Emi talked to me.

I started laughing and said "She's only older by a few months!" making Amber and Emi laugh.

Me and Amber went back to work, having little conversations, I was preping the bread then she took a bread roll and patted it.

"What are you doing?" I asked holding in my laugh.

"I need to wish this bread good luck on its journey." She took another roll and pat it.

I ended up giving her bread rolls and she pat every single one of them I even remember her saying "Giving this bread some extra carbs." After a while of her putting the bread rolls on the plates she realized something.

"Wait, why am I the one putting the bread on?" Amber started laughing after realizing it.

"Bro, you wanted to." I smiled at her.

"Wait…" Amber left and looked in the reflection of the oven and fixed her hair. I looked at what she was doing and I laughed.

"Amber!" I got her attention and she came back like a dog obeying its owner.

"I was just checking something." Amber covered up.

"I was asking if you were gonna go to Edge…" I politely asked, she smiled and went "Yeah, I usually hang out with Celina if you wanna come with."

I nodded "Yeah, because I wanted to go to Edge again."

"Cool! I guess i'll see you there?" She asked me, and I nodded back.

We finished up cafeteria work. And I met up with Amber "Oh and by the way, Celina is my other therapy patient." Amber added. Making me frown, I wanted her full attention. She noticed my frown and hugged me. "Don't worry, I love you."

We parted ways and I went through my last period of the day smiling so much. People started asking why I was so happy, its not like I was never happy, this is actually the most that I have ever been happy.

If only you could see my face, I was sooo happy to talk to her. Its nice.


End file.
